What can I do now to make the teen years smoother?

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 Because I've been counseling teens for the past 20 years, I've had lots of conversations with friends who are afraid for when their children become adolescents.  

For a majority of teens and their families, the difficulties that arise in the teen years are not new.  What's new is the intensity and potential danger of the consequences. 

NOW: Expecting mom to bring homework that was forgotten at home

BECOMES: Entitlement about mom calling the high school to get them out of detention.  

NOW: Talking back to dad now 

BECOMES: Yelling disrespectfully at his boss and getting fired.  

NOW: Assuming things don't apply to them because they are "a good kid"

BECOMES: Getting into a car with a buzzed friend and assuming they will make it home safely.

So what can you do now to make the teen years smoother?

1. Talk to your Pre-Teen. These may be some of the last years that your child may actually listen to what you have to say. Pre-Teens are concrete thinkers, so if you have anything difficult to discuss, now is the time to do it. This includes talks about dating, drugs, sex, body changes, smoking, peer pressure, adoption, or any other tough topic.
   
2. Give your Pre-Teen opportunities to practice. You don't want your child's first experience with credit cards to be when somebody hands them a free card at college. Likewise, you don't want your child's first time thinking through natural consequences to be when they are behind the wheel of a car. By giving your Pre-Teen opportunities to develop skills now that they will need for adolescence, you are ensuring their use of these skills.
   
3. Spend time with your Pre-Teen. Again, these may be some of the last years they don't mind being seen with you in public. Take advantage of these years to build an open dialogue about life. Create wonderful memories together. You and your child will lean on these times when you're going through the teen years.