When should parents get help for themselves?

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 Many parents find my site or attend my seminars because they are in crisis. There is something going on with their teen and they need help. Their need for help is very real, and their concern for their child's well-being can be felt.

But parents have their own needs as well. I know, I know, parents want me to focus on their teens. And that may be necessary.

It may also be necessary to focus on the parent or other members of the family. Sometimes it's most helpful to the teen for the parent(s) to be receiving support in their own counseling.

Teens are the ultimate button-pushers. They can push buttons adults didn't even know they had. When a parent addresses their triggers in counseling, the triggers lose their power, and the parents is able to become a calmer, less reactive, more centered person, which in turn helps them to be a better parent.  

Sometimes family support means coaching the parents on ways to respond to their teens.  I've often provided the family therapy, or worked with one of the parents, when the teen refuses to come to therapy or is already receiving counseling from another therapist.

There are numerous topics that adults bring to therapy including (but certainly not limited to):

• wondering if they did something wrong to cause their teen pain 
• feeling unhappy and overwhelmed
• reactions to major changes impacting their family (ex. divorce, remarriage) 
• fears of making the same mistakes their parents made with them
• being reminded of their own childhood
• current difficulties with siblings or aging parents 

Your child does not have to be in counseling for you to get your own help. You also do not have to be in your own counseling for your teen to be. In my experience, the families who have had the quickest and most enduring changes have adults who have chosen to undertake their own work or are somehow getting their own support.

I usually work with one member of the family on an on-going basis. I am happy to provide referrals for counselors that I respect if a second family member (child, teen, or adult) would like to pursue counseling.